ANGEL STORY: RYAN

by Jennifer · posted by Rachel's Gift

Thank you to Jennifer, Timothy, Logan, and Freyja for sharing Ryan with all of us for this month's Angel Story. This moth's story features a poem written by Jennifer.

Birthdate: May 2, 2018
👼 7 inches, 3.5 oz
Parents: Jennifer & Timothy
​Siblings: Logan & Freyja

My pregnancy was an easy one just like my first 2 children. No complications, no nausea, easy peasy! At my 16 week visit I was having a little pain that my doc waved off as normal round ligament pain, and though they had difficulty finding the heartbeat after pressing firmly (and painfully) the nurse was able to get it and no ultrasound was performed.

​The weekend before my 19 week ultrasound in which we were finding out the gender I started spotting. I was so scared but after I contacted the doctor she wanted me to take it easy and just follow in the morning for my ultrasound. I was never more relieved than when we got the ultrasound and everything looked perfect. The nurse did a few scans and left the room to get the doctor to give us the big news...only the news wasn't the gender as we expected. We were told there was no heartbeat and the baby was measuring at 16 weeks, not 19. The next day I had to deliver and after 13 hours (and on my birthday) this tiny little angel was lying so peacefully swaddled in a blanket.

​We still have no clue as to why he didn't make it. We can't help but wonder if something was wrong the day of my 16 week check up. I will never forget the look on my children's faces having to break the news to them. It has been a year now and I still relive those moments every day. The not knowing was hard. The knowing I was going to have to deliver him and never get to bring him home. The longing to hold him again one more time. I know it will get easier with time but everything is still so fresh. We will forever miss you Ryan. You will forever be our angel.