by Cynthia and Andrew · posted by Rachel's Gift
Birthdate: December 13, 2017
Parents: Cynthia & Andrew
On December 12th, 2017, I went in for my last OB appointment at 40 weeks pregnant, to check on our sweet baby boy. I notified my doctor that I had not felt my baby move much all weekend. She checked for his heartbeat for what felt like hours, then she tells me that his heartbeat wasn't as loud or as strong as she needed it to be. I was then sent to the hospital to check on everything. When we got to the hospital, they tried to find the heartbeat with the heart monitor and then with an ultrasound. At this point, even after all of this, the thought that my precious child had passed away never crossed my mind. Then my doctor walks in, shuts the door and pulls the curtain behind her and at that moment I knew. She looked at me and said "I am so sorry but he has passed away". I just cried as she sat at the foot of the bed and as my husband held me crying as well.
My doctor said that she would give us a little time and then we would begin the labor process. This was my first pregnancy, I had no idea how this worked. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that birth is supposed to be a beautiful thing and that I was going to have to endure this process knowing the outcome. Knowing that I would not be able to hear my baby's first cry, that I wouldn't be able to take him home with me, and all the things that parents get to do. She recommended that I hold my baby and take pictures, because she knows a lot of moms that did not do that and they regret it. I then had my baby boy and got to hold him in my arms for the first time. As I was giving birth my doctor realized why my baby passed away, his umbilical cord was tied in a knot, and was also wrapped around his neck and around his shoulder twice.
Losing him was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I spent all the time I could with him and took pictures of our handsome little man. He looked just like his daddy. Although it was the worst day of my life, it was also the best. I gave birth to the most handsome baby boy and we named him Camden Jace. This type of pain never gets better but you learn to cope. I was completely lost and starting to question my faith but someone told me that "God gives his hardest battles to his strongest Angels" that, and the support of our family and friends is what helped me the most. I still to this day honor my son.
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